The Arrangement Presents: A Special Dispatch from the White House
My fellow Americans:
As your Dear Leader, I’m proud to announce that saying “Merry Christmas” is back again! And yet somehow, the War on Christmas continues. That’s why I’ve instructed Congress to hammer through special Yuletide legislation, which adds a mere 5 trillion to the deficit and enacts the following:
On Christmas Eve, every man, woman, and child will be issued a steaming mug of cocoa containing a minimum of 22 mini-marshmallows.
Our new national anthem will be “Christmas in Sarajevo” by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. As a sign of respect, all citizens are encouraged to stand with their hands over their hearts and head-bang along with it from start to finish.
All air fresheners manufactured in the United States of America will be gingerbread-scented, the way nature intended.
Some major changes on our nation’s highways and byways are also in order. Effective immediately, every car, truck, and van will be outfitted with whimsical reindeer accessories. If your vehicle cannot be modified as required by law, you may obtain a horse-drawn sleigh at your local branch of the DTV (Department of Toboggan Vehicles). You will need to provide your own horses.
The reason for the season will never be clearer, as I’ve arranged to have timeless Christmas movie classics—from Irving Berlin’s White Christmas to Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad’s Jingle All the Way—projected each night on the West Wing side of the White House. The whole family is invited to huddle together on Pennsylvania Avenue and watch these cinematic masterpieces through the fence holes.
At long last, reverence, respect, piety, and virtue are back in the White House and in our country. You’re welcome, America, and Merry Christmas!
Deck the halls with The Arrangement on Saturday, December 9th at the Judge’s Bench Pub from 9:00pm to 12:30am!
The Arrangement features Mr. Drew Fontaine on acoustic guitar and vocals, accompanied by Mr. Phil Rosensteel on djembe, backing vocals, cymbals, penny whistle, and quite possibly the yabahar. They play fun and inventive covers of all your favorite songs. Unless all your favorite songs are by Pentatonix. Sorry, but that’s just not how The Arrangement rolls. Yee-ikes.
Have any questions? Please holla.